My glasses are slipping off my nose from beads of sweat. I refuse to remove them though because I like the advantage of seeing things clearly--to be able to see the physical being of everything as clarity is key. It's tiring, however, and I'm sick of having to balance and adjust them as they continue to slide off--out of focus for me. The choice of whether to be able to have everything under a focus, or see everything the way my abilities lead me to see... I have two options: to leave my glasses on despite the disadvantage of putting this burden to my face or simply take them off, and just deal with my weak-point.
But I can't just let my abilities be, you see. I want to be able to see everything for real, under a focus, so I can see the truth in the physical and let my mind wander, to believe whether the physical is just a cover or not. I refuse to be blinded my disabilities and unclear of surroundings. I want to know.
On the other hand, knowing isn't that great at all. That's an advantage to my disability. Sometimes, the truth can hurt. I hate Hurt. It is like falling off a building for me, either or, I cannot put my hands in front of me and pretend death is not going to come--because it will. I can leave my hands wherever they fall, but death will still take me. I cannot avoid, once I know the truth. Which contradicts everything I've just written (I tend to contradict myself way too much). I want to avoid.
So should I remove my glasses or no?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
I Hate This About Me
I can't believe it's June 1st already. Yesterday was just the first day of school, and the 2nd, and 3rd, and on...it's so hard to accept that majority of my few numbered friends will be gone from the school by coming September. I do not want them to leave. I wish time could freeze, despite all the crammed due dates and busy exam schedules--I don't care, I want to stay with my friends forever.
"People change, nobody will stay forever because of you. You must catch up." But I cannot do this. It's heartbreaking. I feel so attached: so few, but so close, I don't want to give them to this selfish world. Ironic, eh? While I want to keep them all to myself, I call the world selfish. What can be done?
If it works, I'd ask them to stay with me. To keep up with me and stay in touch, because I can't be the person to do so--and I hate this about myself.
"Change."
"People change, nobody will stay forever because of you. You must catch up." But I cannot do this. It's heartbreaking. I feel so attached: so few, but so close, I don't want to give them to this selfish world. Ironic, eh? While I want to keep them all to myself, I call the world selfish. What can be done?
If it works, I'd ask them to stay with me. To keep up with me and stay in touch, because I can't be the person to do so--and I hate this about myself.
"Change."
Friday, May 15, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Because morality is lost, Alive Klyne believed.
"When a city turns its back on God, the end results are, sadly, al to predictable. We have lost our moral compass, and our young people are raised in a moral vacuum, where sex and violence are the norm both on television and in real life. We have forsaken our godly heritage, and there are no longer any moral absolutes in our society, nor is there any fear of a God many simply no longer believe in."
- Under the Bridge, non-fiction novel by Rebecca Godfrey
- Under the Bridge, non-fiction novel by Rebecca Godfrey
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Stardust
"I know a lot about love. I've seen it. I've seen centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain and lies. Hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing..."
- Yvaine, a star from the sky
Monday, March 16, 2009
I've finished reading Angels and Demons by Dan Brown.
"Doubt is your last shred of control. It is doubt that brings souls to you. Our need to know that life has meaning. Man's insecurity and need for an enlightened soul assuring him everything is part of a master plan. But the church is not the only enlighted soul on the planet! We all seek God in different ways. What are you afraid of? That God will show himself somewhere other than inside these walls? That people will find him in their own lives and leave your antiquated rituals behind? Religions revolve! The mind finds answers, the heart grapples with new truths...God is not some omnipotent authority looking down from above, threatening to throw us into a pit of fire if we disobey. God is the energy that flows through the synapses of our nervous system and the chambers of our hearts! God is in all thing!" - Vittoria (669)
We learn through science and we believe through religion. Can we associate both amongst each other? Can we learn to believe through science AND religion? Collaborating is key. Compromise. Together. Unity. "One hand can not clap, without the other", my dad always says; you need to have more than one in order to create.
"Doubt is your last shred of control. It is doubt that brings souls to you. Our need to know that life has meaning. Man's insecurity and need for an enlightened soul assuring him everything is part of a master plan. But the church is not the only enlighted soul on the planet! We all seek God in different ways. What are you afraid of? That God will show himself somewhere other than inside these walls? That people will find him in their own lives and leave your antiquated rituals behind? Religions revolve! The mind finds answers, the heart grapples with new truths...God is not some omnipotent authority looking down from above, threatening to throw us into a pit of fire if we disobey. God is the energy that flows through the synapses of our nervous system and the chambers of our hearts! God is in all thing!" - Vittoria (669)
We learn through science and we believe through religion. Can we associate both amongst each other? Can we learn to believe through science AND religion? Collaborating is key. Compromise. Together. Unity. "One hand can not clap, without the other", my dad always says; you need to have more than one in order to create.
Monday, March 9, 2009
"Feels like I'm starting all over again..."
-Goodbye To You, Michelle Branch
I'm about to turn 17. And it feels like it was just yesterday that I was nervous over 16...year after year, they keep a steady pace with us. Sometimes it seems so fast and sometimes it seems slow. Different for everyone eh...time is innocent and it's precious. We should cherish all that we have around us. If the time now, isn't at all what you should cherish, then think forward into your future and make whatever you want to happen happen.
To all women, who experienced suffering and pain, in this world: I love you. I love you ALL for existing, so that I (and hopefully, many other people) can learn your story and respect you. Know that I respect every one of those you have experienced anything at all. It is because you girls experienced it, that I feel stronger, inspiring me to want to continue to know and acknowledge so much more.
"I'm getting old..." - We've all got a first time in our lives when we first said this. My first time was 2 years ago when I was 15 turning 16. I'm stupid for saying that, because obviously I'm not getting old, I'm just growing of age; there's such a big difference...
-Goodbye To You, Michelle Branch
I'm about to turn 17. And it feels like it was just yesterday that I was nervous over 16...year after year, they keep a steady pace with us. Sometimes it seems so fast and sometimes it seems slow. Different for everyone eh...time is innocent and it's precious. We should cherish all that we have around us. If the time now, isn't at all what you should cherish, then think forward into your future and make whatever you want to happen happen.
To all women, who experienced suffering and pain, in this world: I love you. I love you ALL for existing, so that I (and hopefully, many other people) can learn your story and respect you. Know that I respect every one of those you have experienced anything at all. It is because you girls experienced it, that I feel stronger, inspiring me to want to continue to know and acknowledge so much more.
"I'm getting old..." - We've all got a first time in our lives when we first said this. My first time was 2 years ago when I was 15 turning 16. I'm stupid for saying that, because obviously I'm not getting old, I'm just growing of age; there's such a big difference...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Moving on...
My two cousins are entering the next chapter in their life. Sherman, 28 (I think) has just ended a 4 year long relationship with a girl. I really liked her. She was great company and a wonderful friend to our family. After she went back to her hometown, he was forced to a dilemma; both choices is unwanted. Finally, they broke up and I respect them. It's sad for me to see Sherman in this state. I could tell he really loved her. And it would've been nice if she became my cousin-in-law but things don't always turn out the way we want eh? They used to share rent for an apartment in Burnaby, but since she left, Sherman bought a condominium near his work and our entire familys' proud of him. Yesterday, when we were all having dinner together, my aunt talked about how great of a bachelor my cousin is, considering the state that our economy is in. (It's hard to explain how I feel about this...looking at his face when she said this.) I remember when we were little kids, he would take us all youngin's to the theatre, playlands and amusement parks, and we'd go shopping; that was ages ago.
Stephanie, 26, is quitting her full-time job (in this "economic depression"), selling her car, moving out of their cheap apartment in Vancouver and moving to Australia for a year at the end of March for schooling with her room mate. I admire my cousins so much. I feel like I'm getting old just because I turning 17 next Wednesday. I look up to my cousins. They do a lot of things I'd like to do as I grow older. I can do that and so much more as well! It just takes time and patience. Which I don't have at all...
Stephanie, 26, is quitting her full-time job (in this "economic depression"), selling her car, moving out of their cheap apartment in Vancouver and moving to Australia for a year at the end of March for schooling with her room mate. I admire my cousins so much. I feel like I'm getting old just because I turning 17 next Wednesday. I look up to my cousins. They do a lot of things I'd like to do as I grow older. I can do that and so much more as well! It just takes time and patience. Which I don't have at all...
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Stereotyping
Why do people stereotype? Are they stupid? Should they be offended that I'm saying this?
I was stereotyped today, and I was really offended. I was born in my hometown, Richmond. A small city, with a BIG, MAJOR group of Asians. And yes, I am one of them. But no, I am not some typical, super smart, good at math, diligent student, who studies my butt off just to suck up to my parents, Chinese girl! I admit, I actually enjoy going to school and learning everyday. I REALLY do! But that doesn't mean I get good marks because I have "super Asian math genes". What the heck?! It got me so ANGRY. Just because I understand what we are currently learning in chemistry, doesn't mean I am really smart. So what, I got 100% on a couple of math tests doesn't mean I've got "Asian math skills". And just because I don't "look CBC" (Chinese born Canadian), doesn't mean I'm a typical Asian in Richmond; and it doesn't mean people can stereotype Asians from Richmond either! No one deserves to this type of discrimination. Sure, it doesn't seem so serious, but for some reason, hearing this said to me got me really pissed off! I couldn't believe my ears! If he's saying that to me, which he's a CBC himself, is he unintentionally implying that CBC's can't get good marks in school because we're not "Asian enough"??? What nonsense! He doesn't know me at all. He doesn't know my story...maybe I don't "look CBC" for a reason. Maybe it's because I was born here, even though I didn't get to choose, and all the Chinese people decided to settle themselves in Richmond over the past years and I was forced to go to a school who had "good" educational results because that school is full of "smart Asians" who go to great universities after they graduate. (And MOST of the time, it doesn't matter how great the university is, just like it doesn't matter how good the school you go to is, it depends on the programs that are it provides and the person/student who takes it or go there! Some parent, even students, need to realize this. No one can help students except themselves.) Geeez....something's people just have no idea. They have no right to say such stereotypical things to people, but yet they still do.
I was stereotyped today, and I was really offended. I was born in my hometown, Richmond. A small city, with a BIG, MAJOR group of Asians. And yes, I am one of them. But no, I am not some typical, super smart, good at math, diligent student, who studies my butt off just to suck up to my parents, Chinese girl! I admit, I actually enjoy going to school and learning everyday. I REALLY do! But that doesn't mean I get good marks because I have "super Asian math genes". What the heck?! It got me so ANGRY. Just because I understand what we are currently learning in chemistry, doesn't mean I am really smart. So what, I got 100% on a couple of math tests doesn't mean I've got "Asian math skills". And just because I don't "look CBC" (Chinese born Canadian), doesn't mean I'm a typical Asian in Richmond; and it doesn't mean people can stereotype Asians from Richmond either! No one deserves to this type of discrimination. Sure, it doesn't seem so serious, but for some reason, hearing this said to me got me really pissed off! I couldn't believe my ears! If he's saying that to me, which he's a CBC himself, is he unintentionally implying that CBC's can't get good marks in school because we're not "Asian enough"??? What nonsense! He doesn't know me at all. He doesn't know my story...maybe I don't "look CBC" for a reason. Maybe it's because I was born here, even though I didn't get to choose, and all the Chinese people decided to settle themselves in Richmond over the past years and I was forced to go to a school who had "good" educational results because that school is full of "smart Asians" who go to great universities after they graduate. (And MOST of the time, it doesn't matter how great the university is, just like it doesn't matter how good the school you go to is, it depends on the programs that are it provides and the person/student who takes it or go there! Some parent, even students, need to realize this. No one can help students except themselves.) Geeez....something's people just have no idea. They have no right to say such stereotypical things to people, but yet they still do.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
So inspiring...
This picture is speaking...
To me, this picture seems really inspiring. Simply looking at it and depicting it without knowing where this picture had come from, I can tell the power of this picture. I'm looking forward to watching the movie since my mom got it. Just need to find the time...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Complicate
I'm sure you're all familiar with the popular song by Jason Mraz "I'm Yours". The tune's pretty creative, the acoustic is quite the catch and the lyrics are relative to many us, I'm sure (even though their vague). Nearly everyone's in love with this song. Except me...
No, I'm lying. Here's my secret: I like "I'm Yours" and Jason Mraz is someone I would definately fall for. Call me shallow, but he looks pretty cool to me.
I've been thinking a lot about life. This hasn't been recent. Actually, it started about a year ago, when I met my true friend, Tiffany (I don't like using her name here, so she'll be known as Tif). I can't say that I've learned many things from her; but she has affected in a big way. In a REAL big way. (Just for random: I just remembered should be working on my geography article assignment right now which is due for Monday) Tif's been a big part of my life since then. She made me realize so many things on my own. The importance of my family and everything around me. The importance of my independence, and who I am as a person. There's a reason behind everything I do. And everything happens for a reason. This reminds me of my past. How regretful yet grateful for my past. If not for that, I don't know what I will be today. If such a past had no existed for me, I wouldn't know anything right now. But this is what I hate. How difficulties had gotten me here, now - the place, the stage in my life, that I love and appreciate most of all. (Haha, I realize I may not even be making sense right now) A stupid, naive, real clueless girl. All girls goes through this stage. It's just part of life, I guess. And yes it is real harsh. A girl's life's just gotta have drama. A girl's life's just gotta have a cute purse and cute shoes. A girl's life's just gotta have boys to talk about - not the nerdy ones, oh no, just kidding. The real cute ones, who we like to dream and giggle at ourselves about. Ugh, yeah, sure, real cute. Or not! And a girl's life's just gotta be included in those parties with lots of older people to flirt around with and be wild. Yea sure sure, but why all those things? Why must girl's all go through this? Shit...the drama, man! It get's really annoying. And those backstabbing so-called 'friends'? What the heck was I thinking?? Calling them 'friends'. I use to have many many friends. MANY, in this small city. Everywhere I go, I'd see someone I know..uh, that's just someone I've seen, not 'know'. Anyway, I'm really not getting anywhere with this because I'm sleepy, and I'm getting off track and I'm not thinking straight. I feel like going for a jog right now, but it's 12:30AM. Haha, I am ridiculous sometimes.
"There's no need to complicate, our time is short"
- Jason Mraz, I'm Yours
No, I'm lying. Here's my secret: I like "I'm Yours" and Jason Mraz is someone I would definately fall for. Call me shallow, but he looks pretty cool to me.
I've been thinking a lot about life. This hasn't been recent. Actually, it started about a year ago, when I met my true friend, Tiffany (I don't like using her name here, so she'll be known as Tif). I can't say that I've learned many things from her; but she has affected in a big way. In a REAL big way. (Just for random: I just remembered should be working on my geography article assignment right now which is due for Monday) Tif's been a big part of my life since then. She made me realize so many things on my own. The importance of my family and everything around me. The importance of my independence, and who I am as a person. There's a reason behind everything I do. And everything happens for a reason. This reminds me of my past. How regretful yet grateful for my past. If not for that, I don't know what I will be today. If such a past had no existed for me, I wouldn't know anything right now. But this is what I hate. How difficulties had gotten me here, now - the place, the stage in my life, that I love and appreciate most of all. (Haha, I realize I may not even be making sense right now) A stupid, naive, real clueless girl. All girls goes through this stage. It's just part of life, I guess. And yes it is real harsh. A girl's life's just gotta have drama. A girl's life's just gotta have a cute purse and cute shoes. A girl's life's just gotta have boys to talk about - not the nerdy ones, oh no, just kidding. The real cute ones, who we like to dream and giggle at ourselves about. Ugh, yeah, sure, real cute. Or not! And a girl's life's just gotta be included in those parties with lots of older people to flirt around with and be wild. Yea sure sure, but why all those things? Why must girl's all go through this? Shit...the drama, man! It get's really annoying. And those backstabbing so-called 'friends'? What the heck was I thinking?? Calling them 'friends'. I use to have many many friends. MANY, in this small city. Everywhere I go, I'd see someone I know..uh, that's just someone I've seen, not 'know'. Anyway, I'm really not getting anywhere with this because I'm sleepy, and I'm getting off track and I'm not thinking straight. I feel like going for a jog right now, but it's 12:30AM. Haha, I am ridiculous sometimes.
"There's no need to complicate, our time is short"
- Jason Mraz, I'm Yours
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Just is just...
Best to introduce myself, I suppose. I have much to say, but my character is really lazy. To start, I am a real person; a real average person. I sort of fit in...no, that is a lie. I don't always fit in, but I'm rather fine with that. I was born and raised in a small city in British Columbia. I am born Canadian of another ethnicity: Chinese. I am proud. I represent, and I stand strong for what I believe in (which, whatever it is, I am still debating to myself about). I live with my family: my daddy, my mommy, and my little sister, Jasmine (my one-heck-of-an-annoying flower). I currently attend high school and the number of friends that I have are...well, you can count with one hand and five fingers. I do not overuse/overate the word 'love', because I honour the true meaning of it. I LOVE my entire family and everyone related to me. It is them that I am FOREVER grateful because they exist as part of my life now. My friends, who I simply call 'friends', are extremely important to me; I'd actually like them to stay close to me even when we all grow old and wrinkly (I do not like the words 'best' with friends, because it seems like prioritizing them) - to all, whom I love, stand on equal stage to me.
A little more?
I like YouTube - freedom of expression - art. Converse and jeans and a t-shirt - my favourite combo (I do not prefer tight fit clothes). I am a VERY forgetful person...I really need to emphasize on 'very'...EXTREMELY FORGETFUL!!! I can text so fast, my daddy considered putting me into that speed texting contest (golly). I like to swing my legs or let them dangle - I am not short, I am just a little height-below-average-challenged. I absolutely cannot sit still - it kills me. I want to do many things as I grow older. I have a lot of dreams. Being a bartender is one of them. I want to learn latin, german, greek, korean, japanese, italian, and the list goes on. I want to dig for dinosaur bones. I want to visit egypt and the King Tut's tomb. I want to see the egyptian museums and see all the great pyramids. I want to learn the different cultures and traditions of the languages I learn, and the way they think. Surprisingly, despite my terrible memory, which only started about a year ago, I still remember some events from when I was a baby. I'm an impatient person. But when I set my mind to it, I can really get myself interested. Which, at the same time, makes me really indesicive. If I had one wish from a magiv genie (I don't believe this will ever happen), I'd like to go back in time and continue figure skating. Giving it up is the biggest regret of my life. I also get carried away a lot, as you can probably tell by now...but I'll try not to after this. But I get distracted easily. Life is not fair...it's not. I am amazed by fireworks. They're tremendous. And I am Chinese-Canadian. I love beer and I love the thrill of watching hockey. I'm more of a tomboy then a girly-girl. You wouldn't catch me in pink...anymore...but that'd be a long story.
Thankful...
Should we celebrate only one day of the year with people around us who we are grateful for? I don't think so. Thanksgiving Day...eating turkeies, singing songs, sitting near the fire...that typical image of Thanksgiving Dinner is so imaginable and so heart warming. But that's only when we hear 'Thanksgiving'. Do we take some time each day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year, and 365 days, to consider how grateful we are for everything we have around us. I watch those materialistic people shop around, those greedy people asking for more, those teenagers who ask for drama in their life, because it seems essential for them in high school. They have no idea about the world out there. The world that is so big, they have no clue how small they are. And yet, they hope and pray for something to happen to them or for them because they are the center in their world. Reality check: this world belongs to no one. What right do they have to ask for more, when really, they should be happy with eveything that's already in front of them. Do they see the members of their family around them who are there because of them? No. Do they see the people who are kind to them because (maybe) there are actually kind people in this world? No. Do they see the clothes they wear that are worn in place for it's purpose...to cover the body? No. Do they feel appreciative for the shelter or roof they are under even though many others outside are freezing under the sky? No. But if so, do they realize how lucky they are? They...we...have no idea.
But then again, what is there to expect? We're only human, it's natural. Otherwise how would evil exist? And I'm only human. I'm just speaking. Afterall, I could be insane. But aren't we all? Well, who am I to say?
A little more?
I like YouTube - freedom of expression - art. Converse and jeans and a t-shirt - my favourite combo (I do not prefer tight fit clothes). I am a VERY forgetful person...I really need to emphasize on 'very'...EXTREMELY FORGETFUL!!! I can text so fast, my daddy considered putting me into that speed texting contest (golly). I like to swing my legs or let them dangle - I am not short, I am just a little height-below-average-challenged. I absolutely cannot sit still - it kills me. I want to do many things as I grow older. I have a lot of dreams. Being a bartender is one of them. I want to learn latin, german, greek, korean, japanese, italian, and the list goes on. I want to dig for dinosaur bones. I want to visit egypt and the King Tut's tomb. I want to see the egyptian museums and see all the great pyramids. I want to learn the different cultures and traditions of the languages I learn, and the way they think. Surprisingly, despite my terrible memory, which only started about a year ago, I still remember some events from when I was a baby. I'm an impatient person. But when I set my mind to it, I can really get myself interested. Which, at the same time, makes me really indesicive. If I had one wish from a magiv genie (I don't believe this will ever happen), I'd like to go back in time and continue figure skating. Giving it up is the biggest regret of my life. I also get carried away a lot, as you can probably tell by now...but I'll try not to after this. But I get distracted easily. Life is not fair...it's not. I am amazed by fireworks. They're tremendous. And I am Chinese-Canadian. I love beer and I love the thrill of watching hockey. I'm more of a tomboy then a girly-girl. You wouldn't catch me in pink...anymore...but that'd be a long story.
Thankful...
Should we celebrate only one day of the year with people around us who we are grateful for? I don't think so. Thanksgiving Day...eating turkeies, singing songs, sitting near the fire...that typical image of Thanksgiving Dinner is so imaginable and so heart warming. But that's only when we hear 'Thanksgiving'. Do we take some time each day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year, and 365 days, to consider how grateful we are for everything we have around us. I watch those materialistic people shop around, those greedy people asking for more, those teenagers who ask for drama in their life, because it seems essential for them in high school. They have no idea about the world out there. The world that is so big, they have no clue how small they are. And yet, they hope and pray for something to happen to them or for them because they are the center in their world. Reality check: this world belongs to no one. What right do they have to ask for more, when really, they should be happy with eveything that's already in front of them. Do they see the members of their family around them who are there because of them? No. Do they see the people who are kind to them because (maybe) there are actually kind people in this world? No. Do they see the clothes they wear that are worn in place for it's purpose...to cover the body? No. Do they feel appreciative for the shelter or roof they are under even though many others outside are freezing under the sky? No. But if so, do they realize how lucky they are? They...we...have no idea.
But then again, what is there to expect? We're only human, it's natural. Otherwise how would evil exist? And I'm only human. I'm just speaking. Afterall, I could be insane. But aren't we all? Well, who am I to say?
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